Just A Year Has Passed…

I wasn't as close to my Papa as some poeple may be with their grandparents, but He changed the way I thought about myself.

One instance I remember so vividly was on one of the rare occasions when my mom's parents came to visit us all the way out in California. It was at our newest house in Napa Wine County, the yellow one located on San Vicente Ave, and thy hadn't visited there yet.

They had just arrived, and I ran to meet them in the front marble hallway. It'd been a while since I'd actually seen them in person. Usually it was just their voices over the phone a couple times a year. So boy was I excited to see them! Plus I got to show off my newest accessory.

In the fifth grade I had to get glasses. I didn't necessarily like them on my face. They blocked my eyes. Some had started calling me four-eyes, nerd, and other "innocent" nicknames. My grandparents had seen pictures, but in person was different. And I don't know why, but for one who didn't like her glasses much I was excited to show them off!

My grandpa gave me a big hug when I saw him. The best kind of hugs! The ones where you get squeezed so hard you feel your organs smooshing together. The kind that in the future I hoped I could learn to give! His voice, which I can't explain but can still hear in my head, greeted me by my full name "Noelani" as he always did. But it was the next action that left an imprint on me that I'll never forget. I looked up at my Papa, and he noticed my glasses and using his pinky he slid them back up my nose. I laughed. He called me cute. That meant everything in the whole world. From then on, nothing anyone could say to me could make me feel bad about glasses. I felt more confident about them.

To this day I like them. I prefer them to contacts, and I even have multiple pairs of frames. Thanks to my Papa I was able to feel good about glasses. They weren't a bad thing. They only accentuated the features God gave me, and God made my eyes the way they are so that's nothing to be ashamed of.

This summer I went to camp to work as a media intern. I didn't know that I would be giving a devotional to young junior camp girls, but alas I did. What did I talk about? How they are fearfully and wonderfully made. God loves them each uniquely in the way he made them. I told them my story about not liking glasses, but learning to accept them because that's how God made me. One of the girls afterward said, "Thank you, Auntie Noni. I don't like my glasses either, but maybe I will try to now."

Papa without realizing it has had such an impact on not just my life, but also kids at junior camp this past summer in California. All he did was compliment me, but what a difference it's made.

And now, whenever I use my pinky to slide my glasses back up my nose, I remember Papa. I am reminded of his voice, his hugs, and how much my heart will always ache wishing he were around just a little longer…

God's DIY Project

This past week at Wolf Mountain we didn't have any Junior Campers so we had the week off from normal activities. However, this is not to say that staff was without responsibilities. We spent the week working on different projects around camp. Two of the large projects I got to work on were cleaning, sanding, and painting an old Coca-Cola trailer and also creating (from scratch) a flower planter.

It's quite interesting how God uses these instances throughout the week to teach me little life lessons. Two weeks ago, a bunch of campers from Nevada stayed at Trailhead. At the end of the week when they were all ready to head home a bunch of the kids were wearing similar shirts. They were bright neon colors and on the back it said, "God's not done working on (insert name)." I complimented them because I love that thought. We are God's project. We were each created in His image, but we will not be perfected until we reach Heaven one day. However, each day that we live our Christian lives, we should be striving to be more like him.

This week as we worked on cleaning up the old Coca-Cola trailer to use for storage, I noticed that in order to make it look beautiful we had to first make it ugly. The first step was to clean up the obvious dirt and grime. We washed off the dust and got rid of the cobwebs. It looked better when it was cleaned up a little, but you could tell it still had a long way to go before it was done. The next step was to sand it down. After the sanding process, the trailer looked rough, almost worse then it did after the washing! It seemed we had taken a step back, but in order for the paint to stick to the trailer we had to get rid of the old paint and rust. Finally after sanding we began painting, but it took a couple days. Why? Because one coat of paint was not enough! Paint was exactly what the trailer needed, but it was a constant process of touching up spots that kept getting messed up. Now at the end of the process, the trailer looks so nice! Me and the rest of the team that worked on it were so proud, but if you look closely you can still see spots that aren't perfect, or that have a little rust left. Does that mean the trailer can't be used because it's not perfect? No, absolutely not!

I'm sure reading through the above paragraph you know where I'm going with this, but just as I worked on a team this past week to fix up the Coca-Cola trailer, God is working on us. We are dirty then we get cleaned up. Sometimes we think we're all done, but we're not even close! God's still got lots to do in our lives. Next, God has to sand down areas of our lives. Sometimes it's hard to see how this step is helpful, and it can hurt, but you have to keep the end goal in mind. We will be used by God! It may seem that we're just getting worse, but don't lose faith. He's not finished with you yet! Then God starts painting and bringing newness to our life. But it doesn't happen all of a sudden; it's a process, and even after it's all said and done, we won't be perfect. People can still pick at us and say, "Look! I can see you used to be ugly, why should I be like you if you're not perfect!" But God can still use us. No, we're not perfect, but God is. And God can use imperfect people to complete His perfect plan. Isn't that great news? :)

-GreenGirl

Fixing up the old Coca-Cola trailer. 

The finished result! :D

My Little Sunday Blessing

When I packed to come to camp I brought only the essentials, and when it came time to pick out shoes I was smart. I chose only the most sensible shoes and the ones that I wouldn’t care tossing at the end of summer since they would probably get dirty and ruined. Because of these reasons I chose only the necessary pairs of shoes (no need ruining more than need be!) ;) I had a couple pairs of shoes that were practically on the verge of entering the garbage can, but I decided to pull them back from the edge until the end of summer so I could bring them to camp. One of these pairs were white slip-on tennis shoes. Well this past week, those shoes ripped all across the stitching on the top. It was very unfortunate because I only needed them to last a couple more weeks, but I told myself  that’s my fault for going and bringing my oldest pairs of shoes to camp where I’m on my feet all day.

So today is Sunday, and almost every week while we’re in town for church in the morning we stop (either before or after) for a trip to Walmart to pick up essentials. Before we went in I sent up a small prayer asking God to give me a pair of shoes. Although I knew I wanted a new pair of shoes I also knew it wasn’t essential, and I could survive the rest of the summer without them so I wasn’t counting on anything, but nevertheless, as I walked into Walmart I mentally added "shoes" to my list. I would at least look. When I finished grabbing my necessary items I made my way to the shoes, and it wasn’t looking too promising as I walked the aisles seeing multiple pairs for normal prices (which is over my budget). But then! I saw the glorious yellow signs, “CLEARANCE!” Yes! I power walked over their and furiously scored the rack with my big brown eyes. That’s when I spotted them, practically hanging on a string from heaven. :) A size 10 (ya ya, I have big feet) pair of white tennis shoes, the only ones left, and they were on sale for $3! What? That’s crazy! But sure enough when I went to check out they were $3!

I know it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t find a pair of white shoes at Walmart, and I know that God didn’t need to do that for me, but He did, and it made my Sunday extra special. He listens to our prayers and our whining and our complaining, and He loves us regardless. Thank you, Lord!

-GreenGirl

No Need to Worry

Well I officially survived my first week of actual camp with campers arriving on Monday and leaving this morning. It was (to sum it up in one word) exhausting. I got off of work at 2 p.m. today and was asked by friends what I was going to do to which I replied, “I have a to-do list and at the top is taking a nap.” I’m not a counselor, I’m not a director, and I don’t work with the kids 24/7, but the camp life is always on your feet, always working on something and always thinking two steps ahead to the next task. But despite the energy it zaps from me; I’m loving what I’m doing, and God is teaching me so much!

This past week, I had a night where due to technology choosing to be obstinate I was up later than usual because camp is so tiring I was worried I was going to be extra out of it the next morning (especially since I chose to drink an espresso drink at 9:30!) But it was that night that God decided to speak to me. I was riding back up the hill to my cabin in the back of a friend’s pick up truck. I decided to lay down for the short ride. It was around 11 p.m., and the sky was black and blue, and the stars were twinkling. The breeze chilled my sunburnt shoulders, and the crickets and other bugs sang a melody of summer. It was then, staring into the sky that looks so threatening yet so comforting that I realized, God is in control. The Creator did not just create me in his image, but He is in control of my life and knows exactly what’s going to happen. I do not need to worry.

I don’t need to stress about forgetting my duties at camp. I don’t need to fret about where money will come from for school. I don’t need to worry about my family and friends and my future and the unknown — because God’s got it. The God that made the stars, the trees, the crickets, the breeze -- that God made me and loves me and cares for me. To worry is to take the easy rode, to be lazy and not pray and not trust God. Trusting God takes guts, but God knew that and that’s why He gave me guts to use for Him. (I know; that’s cheesy, but I’ll just blame it on my lack of sleep.) (:

So next time you think to worry your life away realize that there really is no point, because God is in charge so you might as well just talk to him instead of talking to others.

The rope course at camp - so cool! Just as the person climbing has to have faith in the person at the bottom to see the best view and hold their rope and catch them from falling so we have to do the same with God. Trust Him. We're climbing the ladder of life, and the rope is in His hands.

-GreenGirl

My Summer, God's Plan

It feel weird only posting this now and knowing I wrote it Sunday night, but I was having trouble logging into the wifi. No worries! I have figured it out, and hopefully I can now regularly update you all on my summer adventures! I am in California working as a media intern as a christian camp. I was nervous and scared to come here, not knowing what I was doing really. It wasn't how I pictured my big return to my home state, but better this than never returning at all, right? :) Anywho, the following thoughts are from two days ago . . .

"It’s only been two days, but already I know this is where I’m supposed to be. No, I haven’t gotten into the nitty-gritty, and no, no campers have arrived yet, but it’s clear this is where God has me for the summer.

Tonight we had a meeting, a church service of sorts for the staff in one of the camp halls. The pastor who came to speak to us, gave a great challenge about working in the ministry. I know it’s not easy. I know it will be a long and tiring two months, but I also know I will make it through alive.

Since I arrived here at Wolf Mountain, I’ve loved it. Growing up when we would go as a church group up to camp, I always enjoyed it. The idea of being away from the city, being surrounded by trees and nature and just being able to relax was such a blessing. Here I get a same feeling of sorts. I love nature and being able to sense God through it. Looking at the sky and acknowledging the fact that God made this all. We are but a minute part of His whole creation.

Yes, this summer I chose to leave my parents and my sisters behind for two months. Yes, I chose to gain little money for my work. But, as I learned my senior year at camp, “The happiest place on earth is in the center of God’s will.” And I don’t know where God’s will, will lead me in the future, but for this summer, for the next two months, God’s will for me is to serve as a media intern for Wolf Mountain, and I’m super excited to see what He has in store.

Prayers are appreciated as I continue in this adventure!

TTYS!

Do-over

Because sometimes when we want something in the heat of a moment, we don't realize what we're really saying. Then when we get it, we regret it though we weren't necessarily mistaken. To move on or not to move on . . . there may not be a right or wrong, but to stay in the middle zone and always flip-flop back and forth is doing even more harm. Once you have decided one way on the matter just go for it and go back for a re-do because then you'll just be hurting yourself again.


DO-OVER
I'm missing you like crazy,
Nothing that was still remains.
I left. But I did say goodbye!
I've got no one else to blame.

I thought it would be better,
Easier without you here.
Now I realize I'm bitter.
I'm the enemy I feared.

The emptiness is a knife.
Each thought of you stabs my heart.
Maybe if I get you back . . .
Could we perhaps push restart?

Late Night Confessions

I fall easy.
I fall fast.
I fall hard.
I have a hard time hiding my true feelings.
In fact, it's damn near impossible.
But don't ever think that what I say isn't 100.
Don't ever assume that I'm just talking fluff.
If I say something, I mean it.

Writing is my child made through love.
Talking is it's half sibling.
Similar in aspects,
Definitely related
But artistically they're each uniquely their own

Some people think my words are cheap.
No.
They're priceless.
If I compliment you,
It's from the part of my soul, black as the ocean.
If I say, "I can't live without you."
It's because I don't want to.
If I say, "I love you."
It means you're apart of the reason I wake up with a smile on my face very day.
And if I say, "I'm here for you."
It means call me, text me, wake me up, disrupt my thoughts, bother me night or day because
I. Do. care.

I want to be there for you.
I don't want you to ever doubt.

I want to be in front of you

For when you're afraid to step out.

I want to have your back
For when you fall.
I want to be by your side
For when you need a hand to hold.
I want to surround you with my love.

Because I know when someone has my back
When someone's in my corner cheering me on, urging me to get back up and fight
That's when I feel like I can take on the world.

I know I love too easy.
I know I smile too much.
I know I have trouble saying no,
And that it's difficult for me to get angry and remain mad,
But I acknowledge my imperfections.

And so help me,
If these are my burns to bear,
If these are my life's greatest struggles,
I shall count my blessings.
Living life proud to be me-
Chin held high, shoulders back and ready to move forward.
God created me this ways for a reason,
And I plan on living a long, healthy life before I meet Him to ask why.