Scholarships!

   Most people don't enjoy competing for scholarships because "They take too long." or "I'll never win." or "THEY'RE ALWAYS ESSAYS!" No, they aren't always essay, but many of them are which gives me an advantage since I like to write! Now, I know they can be odd and weird subjects, but those are ones to go for because just as you are saying in your head "I'm not doing this it's too weird." There's others saying the same and not even trying so go ahead and just put something in. I bet the companies that offer the prize money choose those topics since their so different because then it really narrows down how many submissions they get. Anyways, I recently wrote an essay for a scholarship it wasn't weird but it was enjoyable. I had to write my plans for the future in 500 words or less. Who knows if I'll win, but as I said I do it because I am a writer! Here's what I wrote:

As Martin Luther King Junior had a dream so do I. I plan to graduate from college in the spring of 2017 with a bachelor’s degree in Journalism and Mass Communication. By then I will have had an internship with a local newspaper. This will set me up for an after-college job. Most likely I will start as small column journalist for a local newspaper here I will develop a solid reputation until I can move to a larger newspaper firm in a big city where I can develop my skills further. While working for the newspaper I will continue to do what I love most-write creatively. This will be in my free time and I will be working to gain an audience and good repute for my career change. I will work in the news industry until I save up enough money to support myself for at least a year without any income. I am to become a freelance writer (someone who can support themselves solely off of their own writing), but even if I don’t sell anything right off I have money saved for this occasion. I have a yearning to be able to share my words and thoughts with others on a large scale. I feel through writing I can express myself better and make my points clearly known. I want to influence people through my writing and hopefully have a successful writing career. My writing will be mostly poetry and fiction. I wish to share my happiness with others and put a smile on the face of anyone who reads my work. Many people say they love writing, but they are the same people who throw “love” around as if it’s just another word. I believe the thing that sets me apart from others is my raw need for writing. I would write even if the most important people in the world told me I was a terrible writer because I do not write for others but for myself. I do not just enjoy writing; I crave it. If you don’t have something to say why would people listen or read your work? I have a story to tell and writing is my means of telling it to the world. One day, I will have a book published; you can bet on it. So keep your eye on Oprah’s Book Club and on the New York Time’s bestseller’s list because one day it may my book you see there. Walt Disney said, “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” And I for one have both dreams and courage.

I apologize.

There's always those days where you don't know why, but you just don't feel like yourself. This was me today. I was quiet and felt gloomy and so unlike myself. It wasn't PMS; it wasn't because it was rainy, and it wasn't because of dumb drama. (Drama you thought you'd be done with once you got out of high school, but then realize that even in college there's kids that think they are still in high school and will do anything to create drama.) But back to now.

It just didn't make sense. I felt like a lost puppy all day wandering around hoping to find my owner, but not knowing where I was. I didn't want to feel like this, but I couldn't help it. It was as if the real me was being shoved aside by this girl who was rude and dark. I hated her, but that just added anger to my pot of gloom.

It was a long day; a Monday which also seemed to make it seem worse! All day, I felt like crying for the littlest things! It was so annoying. I would hear someone tell their friend a sad story and I would want to cry! I would hear a simple, beautiful song and my mind screamed "CRY!" I refused. I would not be that girl, the girl that cries for no reason. The girl that when everyone else is singing she breaks down sobbing. That would not be me. So when my eyes automatically started to tear up I stopped them in their tracks. They would not get past me. I was the gatekeeper of my soul and nothing would pass without my permission.

Fast-forward to tonight. It's been a looooooong day. I am tired. I am worn. I am frustrated. I am angry at myself for being tired and worn and frustrated, and finally I let loose. I cry and I don't even try and stop the tears. The gatekeeper retired for the day, and anything goes past without inspection. I don't like the wet tracks on my cheeks, but my soul is feeling more free so I let it go on. Everything from the day is washed away by these salty tears. I cry an ocean and when it's over nothing remains. The bitterness, anger, and other suppressed feelings are gone. Only I remain. My body too limp to do anything but slouch in my bed, and my brain too tired to do anything but hope I never experience this again.

So this is my apology to anyone that had to deal with me today. I take full credit for the sad, depressed girl that you saw; there's no one else to blame. I would love to say it wasn't me, but I would be lying. All I know is that I never want to be that girl again. If that means crying once in a while just because, then so be it. This day I promise to try and be the girl that not just you expect me to be, but to be everything I expect of myself. To not be transparent and insecure-this is my goal. Thank you to all that deal with me despite my imperfections. <3 xoxoxo

~GreenGirl

My head to my heart to my hand...

     Well, it's been a while again since I last wrote. Man, I really hate it when I forget to post! Anyways, for a while I was having trouble writing. It seemed nothing was flowing which didn't make sense. I kept thinking, "I know I have stuff I want to say; it's in there somewhere!" For some reason it just wouldn't come out onto paper! It's a hard process really. I have to know what I want to say in my head and get the thought perfect, then run it through the veins of my heart so that it gets the feelings and passion put into it, and lastly my hand must cooperate and physically put the words on paper in good lines of poetry. My sister sent me my poetry journal from home (I had forgotten it there over Christmas break). I received it in the mail maybe two/three weeks ago. I immediately opened it up and read some old poetry, that I believe is still some of my best, then I turned to a blank page. For some reason turning to a blank page gives me a fluttery feeling I can't describe-it's the best! As soon as I uncapped one of my favorite pens my hand seemed uncontrollable as it flew across the page jotting down lines of poetry. It was so strange! There was no struggle my hand finally decided to deliberate with my head and my heart and the results weren't too shabby. :) This is only one of the poems that was written that day and the best part? My writing hasn't stopped; so be expecting more poetry soon!

Silver Lining:

It's been said to me before

"Why must you smile so,

Is your life, like, perfect?"

I always reply, "No."

My life has ups and downs

Just like every other soul

It depends upon your outlook

Is your glass half empty or full?

~GreenGirl