My Little Sunday Blessing

When I packed to come to camp I brought only the essentials, and when it came time to pick out shoes I was smart. I chose only the most sensible shoes and the ones that I wouldn’t care tossing at the end of summer since they would probably get dirty and ruined. Because of these reasons I chose only the necessary pairs of shoes (no need ruining more than need be!) ;) I had a couple pairs of shoes that were practically on the verge of entering the garbage can, but I decided to pull them back from the edge until the end of summer so I could bring them to camp. One of these pairs were white slip-on tennis shoes. Well this past week, those shoes ripped all across the stitching on the top. It was very unfortunate because I only needed them to last a couple more weeks, but I told myself  that’s my fault for going and bringing my oldest pairs of shoes to camp where I’m on my feet all day.

So today is Sunday, and almost every week while we’re in town for church in the morning we stop (either before or after) for a trip to Walmart to pick up essentials. Before we went in I sent up a small prayer asking God to give me a pair of shoes. Although I knew I wanted a new pair of shoes I also knew it wasn’t essential, and I could survive the rest of the summer without them so I wasn’t counting on anything, but nevertheless, as I walked into Walmart I mentally added "shoes" to my list. I would at least look. When I finished grabbing my necessary items I made my way to the shoes, and it wasn’t looking too promising as I walked the aisles seeing multiple pairs for normal prices (which is over my budget). But then! I saw the glorious yellow signs, “CLEARANCE!” Yes! I power walked over their and furiously scored the rack with my big brown eyes. That’s when I spotted them, practically hanging on a string from heaven. :) A size 10 (ya ya, I have big feet) pair of white tennis shoes, the only ones left, and they were on sale for $3! What? That’s crazy! But sure enough when I went to check out they were $3!

I know it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t find a pair of white shoes at Walmart, and I know that God didn’t need to do that for me, but He did, and it made my Sunday extra special. He listens to our prayers and our whining and our complaining, and He loves us regardless. Thank you, Lord!

-GreenGirl

No Need to Worry

Well I officially survived my first week of actual camp with campers arriving on Monday and leaving this morning. It was (to sum it up in one word) exhausting. I got off of work at 2 p.m. today and was asked by friends what I was going to do to which I replied, “I have a to-do list and at the top is taking a nap.” I’m not a counselor, I’m not a director, and I don’t work with the kids 24/7, but the camp life is always on your feet, always working on something and always thinking two steps ahead to the next task. But despite the energy it zaps from me; I’m loving what I’m doing, and God is teaching me so much!

This past week, I had a night where due to technology choosing to be obstinate I was up later than usual because camp is so tiring I was worried I was going to be extra out of it the next morning (especially since I chose to drink an espresso drink at 9:30!) But it was that night that God decided to speak to me. I was riding back up the hill to my cabin in the back of a friend’s pick up truck. I decided to lay down for the short ride. It was around 11 p.m., and the sky was black and blue, and the stars were twinkling. The breeze chilled my sunburnt shoulders, and the crickets and other bugs sang a melody of summer. It was then, staring into the sky that looks so threatening yet so comforting that I realized, God is in control. The Creator did not just create me in his image, but He is in control of my life and knows exactly what’s going to happen. I do not need to worry.

I don’t need to stress about forgetting my duties at camp. I don’t need to fret about where money will come from for school. I don’t need to worry about my family and friends and my future and the unknown — because God’s got it. The God that made the stars, the trees, the crickets, the breeze -- that God made me and loves me and cares for me. To worry is to take the easy rode, to be lazy and not pray and not trust God. Trusting God takes guts, but God knew that and that’s why He gave me guts to use for Him. (I know; that’s cheesy, but I’ll just blame it on my lack of sleep.) (:

So next time you think to worry your life away realize that there really is no point, because God is in charge so you might as well just talk to him instead of talking to others.

The rope course at camp - so cool! Just as the person climbing has to have faith in the person at the bottom to see the best view and hold their rope and catch them from falling so we have to do the same with God. Trust Him. We're climbing the ladder of life, and the rope is in His hands.

-GreenGirl

My Summer, God's Plan

It feel weird only posting this now and knowing I wrote it Sunday night, but I was having trouble logging into the wifi. No worries! I have figured it out, and hopefully I can now regularly update you all on my summer adventures! I am in California working as a media intern as a christian camp. I was nervous and scared to come here, not knowing what I was doing really. It wasn't how I pictured my big return to my home state, but better this than never returning at all, right? :) Anywho, the following thoughts are from two days ago . . .

"It’s only been two days, but already I know this is where I’m supposed to be. No, I haven’t gotten into the nitty-gritty, and no, no campers have arrived yet, but it’s clear this is where God has me for the summer.

Tonight we had a meeting, a church service of sorts for the staff in one of the camp halls. The pastor who came to speak to us, gave a great challenge about working in the ministry. I know it’s not easy. I know it will be a long and tiring two months, but I also know I will make it through alive.

Since I arrived here at Wolf Mountain, I’ve loved it. Growing up when we would go as a church group up to camp, I always enjoyed it. The idea of being away from the city, being surrounded by trees and nature and just being able to relax was such a blessing. Here I get a same feeling of sorts. I love nature and being able to sense God through it. Looking at the sky and acknowledging the fact that God made this all. We are but a minute part of His whole creation.

Yes, this summer I chose to leave my parents and my sisters behind for two months. Yes, I chose to gain little money for my work. But, as I learned my senior year at camp, “The happiest place on earth is in the center of God’s will.” And I don’t know where God’s will, will lead me in the future, but for this summer, for the next two months, God’s will for me is to serve as a media intern for Wolf Mountain, and I’m super excited to see what He has in store.

Prayers are appreciated as I continue in this adventure!

TTYS!

Do-over

Because sometimes when we want something in the heat of a moment, we don't realize what we're really saying. Then when we get it, we regret it though we weren't necessarily mistaken. To move on or not to move on . . . there may not be a right or wrong, but to stay in the middle zone and always flip-flop back and forth is doing even more harm. Once you have decided one way on the matter just go for it and go back for a re-do because then you'll just be hurting yourself again.


DO-OVER
I'm missing you like crazy,
Nothing that was still remains.
I left. But I did say goodbye!
I've got no one else to blame.

I thought it would be better,
Easier without you here.
Now I realize I'm bitter.
I'm the enemy I feared.

The emptiness is a knife.
Each thought of you stabs my heart.
Maybe if I get you back . . .
Could we perhaps push restart?

Late Night Confessions

I fall easy.
I fall fast.
I fall hard.
I have a hard time hiding my true feelings.
In fact, it's damn near impossible.
But don't ever think that what I say isn't 100.
Don't ever assume that I'm just talking fluff.
If I say something, I mean it.

Writing is my child made through love.
Talking is it's half sibling.
Similar in aspects,
Definitely related
But artistically they're each uniquely their own

Some people think my words are cheap.
No.
They're priceless.
If I compliment you,
It's from the part of my soul, black as the ocean.
If I say, "I can't live without you."
It's because I don't want to.
If I say, "I love you."
It means you're apart of the reason I wake up with a smile on my face very day.
And if I say, "I'm here for you."
It means call me, text me, wake me up, disrupt my thoughts, bother me night or day because
I. Do. care.

I want to be there for you.
I don't want you to ever doubt.

I want to be in front of you

For when you're afraid to step out.

I want to have your back
For when you fall.
I want to be by your side
For when you need a hand to hold.
I want to surround you with my love.

Because I know when someone has my back
When someone's in my corner cheering me on, urging me to get back up and fight
That's when I feel like I can take on the world.

I know I love too easy.
I know I smile too much.
I know I have trouble saying no,
And that it's difficult for me to get angry and remain mad,
But I acknowledge my imperfections.

And so help me,
If these are my burns to bear,
If these are my life's greatest struggles,
I shall count my blessings.
Living life proud to be me-
Chin held high, shoulders back and ready to move forward.
God created me this ways for a reason,
And I plan on living a long, healthy life before I meet Him to ask why.

Random thoughts . . .

Every life experience is significant though sometimes we don't realize it.

We go through both good and bad in life, but without this altering variety we wouldn't live life the same.

Change in our life is caused by choice. If you get in a car accident you choose to be extra aware of your surroundings while driving. Because whether or not it was your fault you don't want it to happen again. If by freak accident you almost drown in water because you can't swim you choose to sign up for classes at the local pool because again you want to avoid what happened (your near death experience.)

So on the subject of this live-and-learn experience it's important to realize that if we never get hurt by someone in a close relationship we would never learn how to forgive, and if we never passionately hated something how would we know true love when we find it? Life throws curveballs and we choose to react. But the bigger lesson is not in choosing between right and wrong; we all learned that in preschool. No, the real truth we need to be reminded of is that this choice, whether good/bad  right/wrong will impact our future.

For this reason I've never quite understood why people hate their past. I realize I may not know what you've been through, and I'm not going to pretend I do. I AM BLESSED. I've had a pretty great life compared to others but what's happened is in your past! Remember it or forget it, but either way FORGIVE it! Whether we like it or not, our past has made us who we are! I love me. I'm not trying to be vain or shallow, but I'm proud of my life with all its successes and all of its failures. Without the past their would be no future! By forgiving your past your give yourself permission to move one and truly know the meaning of life. Because what is life if we aren't living in the present?

Location and Identification

This summer was big, nah who am I kidding? IT WAS HUGE! I moved from my beloved state of California to the south. :/ The place I had heard stories of my entire life. That place where they speak English, but it sounds funny. The place where people are nice, but only to your face. The place where everyone goes to church, but that doesn't mean they're good people. The place where everything is sweet or fried or meat. The place where the girls are southern belles, and the boys are hat and boot wearing boys raised by anti-independent-women dads.

Yes. I know this makes me seem terrible, but this is what I knew of the south growing up. It's the stereotypes I was taught never having been to the south myself.

I've lived off and on in South Carolina for two years while attending college, but it's a university town, and I wasn't quite prepared to be totally immersed in the Southern culture.

So when I went home in May and found out that moving was in the works I freaked out!

I made it through . . . barely.

My friends in SC now have nicknamed me Cali'bama. I originally hated it, but it's kind of catchy and it helps explain myself to new folks (what the Southerners call a group of peeps).

Learning to live in a new world with new fashion and new lingo and new restaurants, etc. has been quite the experience. Sure I've lived in SC for two years with many southern friends but I never took seriously to adopting the southern ways because after all I was a Cali kid. I wasn't planning on sticking around. But now, boy have the tables turned. Not only do I have to understand these strange ways, but I must find substitutes for all my West Coast faves (In N Out, Peet's Coffee and Tea, KOIT, Dutch Bros. Coffee, the slang, the NorCal lifestyle, etc.)

I've felt lost. I'm still trying to figure out where I belong. I don't feel I can call Alabama home, but is California home if I don't live there? When people ask for introductions I never know where to say I'm from. I see someone in a Cali hoodie and I comment on it, but as soon as they ask where I live I feel awkward. I haven't yet made friends in Alabama, but as hard as I try it's so difficult to keep in touch with my old friends from CA. I don't count my parent's new church as mine because I've only been there once and know no one, but I don't belong to a church here in SC yet either.

The thing is, where I am from doesn't define me. I know that, but some days it's so hard to admit to myself. Who I am: my personality defines me, and that shouldn't change depending on where I live.