My First Free Verse

Usually I never write free verse poetry. I am not against it, and it's not that I consider it a "weaker" form of poetry. It's quite the opposite, actually. I feel like free verse almost takes more talent to write (correctly that is) so I have always shied away from it. The other night however I was trying to write a poem to express my feelings and get them out on paper and I realized I couldn't quite tell the exact twist because the rhyme or meter kept messing up. I decided to try a free verse poem then and there. If it didn't work out then fine maybe it wasn't meant to be but if it did then that's one more accomplishment. The following poem is what I wrote I like it because you choose each and every word you use. Each word of each line is significant for its exact meaning and usage to express my exact thoughts. So you be the judge.


DIFFERENT :(:
I'm the big girl in the little corner,
In my own little world
With big brown eyes
And a smile to match in size.

It's hard for this freshman to make it,
Here where the mean dog wins.
I try my best to fit in,
But I can't conform to their shape.

I'm just an innocent child
Who's not afraid to admit
Most nights I lie in bed
To homesick to even sleep.

I get up each morning
With coffee in my system,
And choose to get on with the day.
The beginning affects your outcome.

I've been told many a thing,
But I'm determined when I pass,
None will be able to say
She never ever tried.

"Writer's Block"

"Writer's block"-I've been told that there is no such thing. It is merely a mind trick people use on themselves to persuade their own brain that they cannot write at the moment. The phrase itself is interesting because it uses the word block. When I think of a block I think of something that is in the way of where you are headed. It is an obstacle but not a definite dead-end. An obstacle is something you can get over whether you go through it, over it, under it, or around it, it is possible to move on. A dead end means that you are at the end. That there is no further for you to go unless you turn around and go back from where you came. Unlike an obstacle there's is nothing on the other side of the wall. As a writer facing "writer's block" I feel almost a sense of gratitude and relief because I know that I have gotten this far, and I can feel inside of me too much perseverance to just give up now. To those who say "writer's block" is such a bad thing, I protest. Because at least writer's block is just that a block in the path. If I did not have this and I truly could not move on and see no way beyond my current state then I would have a dead-end and that is it. The end of me being a writer. I would have to turn around and go back down the path of life until I came to the crossroads where I chose a career, and choose another. So to have this, "writer's block" is a blessing in disguise. It gives me a sense of reassurance that a writer I am to be.

-GreenGirl

Not lost, just hidden.

   Yes, I know what you guys are all thinking. What's wrong? Has GreenGirl died? Why hasn't she posted anything in forever? Answers I have, if you but read on. In short I have been struggling with finding my voice. Before I came to college I knew exactly who I was, what I intended to become, and what I was doing in life. Then it all became unclear and foggy; suddenly I knew no answers.
   I think it's because when you move away from home to college you are in a whole new atmosphere and start a new life. Basically everything has changed. So when you see something in your life that has not changed you get uneasy and question yourself. Thinking, "Is that right?" "Why it that the same while all else is evolving?" When in reality my writing (which was the part of my life that was not changing) wasn't supposed to change. Because my writing is the very core of me. It is who I am-soul and spirit combined.
   While all other changes can be perceived as natural transformations of me growing up, if my writing were to change drastically that would mean who I am now is not the same as who I thought I was before. I realize now that though time and circumstances can change who I am on the outside and even who I am thought to be on the inside. Way down deep in the very depths of my soul is someone who cannot and will not ever be changed. This is who I truly am. This is my inner writer.

With apology's and more writing to come soon,
GreenGirl

College Poetry

I love to write poetry because it's easy for me to express my feelings this way. I often write them as prayers. They are very personal, and I hope by sharing them with you, that you relate and hopefully they will be of help to realize that God is always with us. He is there even when it seems everything is spiraling in a tornado of madness and you have no idea where to start. Poetry is my outlet to just calm down and refocus. Enjoy these two poems and have an awesome day!

Until next time,
GreenGirl


WHAT DO I DO?
There are no words I can find,
Scared, worried, nervous-
Nothing just seems to  capture
My feeling opposite of bliss.

My feet can't stop shaking.
"Am I making the right decision?",
I think as I take this large step.
All I can hope is precision.

I don't want to let anyone down
Or cause disappointment around me.
The last thing I need one to say
Is, "That is not how to do it properly."

Just light it, one step at a time;
God, please show me the away.
Help me only do what is right
And from this path never stray.


A BAD DAY
Nobody's always happy.
We all have certain days
where life seems to us down,
and it seems we've lost our way.

But lately it's more often
That these feelings come inside,
And I can't help but hate myself
Because I want to run and hide.

I know I'm doing what's right,
And this is the life for me,
But it's so much harder than I imagined.
I'm a lock without a key.

Lord, give me grace and guidance
To live without the stress
Of worry, fear, and bitterness,
For me to never have to guess.

Give me confidence in all I do;
Help me not to give in.
I'll try my hardest all the time;
With your help I know I'll win.

My Beliefs.

     The other day I had to fill out an online survey for college. They are sent to either all the students or students picked at random-I'm not exactly sure. Anyways, the one I got was on my beliefs. They gave you a topic and then below it said "I believe..." and had five blank lines. You were only required to fill out three of the five lines but if you wanted you could fill out all.

     Beliefs are very important, without them you wouldn't be an individual. Beliefs are one of the things that set you apart from others and show others what you are unashamed to stand for. For this reason I have decided to share with you all my set of beliefs that I had put on the survey. There are more than these couple, but I was only allowed five lines so I tried to pick the most important, but at the same time I put the first ones that popped into my head.

My beliefs on spiritual life and a relationship with God:

1. Once saved, always saved that's what I believe.

2. God loves the sinner, but hates the sin.

3. Without God nothing is possible; at the same time with God anything is possible.

4. God is, was, and always will be.

5. God sent His son Jesus to Earth to live among us, to suffer cruel torture by us, to die on the cross for us, and rise from the grave three days later so we can (if we want) go to heaven when we die to live eternally in His presence.

My beliefs on relationships with others:

1. We should treat others as we ourselves would want to be treated.

2. You can tell much about a person by how they treat life and how they treat the ones they love most.

3. The people that are hardest to love are sometimes the ones that need our love most.

4. Family should be among one's top three priorities in life.

5. Family should be the baking flour in the cookies of life and friends the chocolate chips.

My beliefs on profession/vocation/ministry:

1. One should not write anything lightly without first making sure they would be unashamed to say it in person.

2. One should do their best at everything they do since it reveals their true character.

3. One's personal life should not interfere with their professional life.

4. If at any time one feels her priorities have gone wrong she should step back and re-evaluate.

5. To have true success in life (vocation, home, etc.) my God and my faith have to be key ingredients.

     I share my beliefs not so that you feel I am pushing them on you, but rather so you can ask yourself, "What are my beliefs?" "What do I stand for?" This is an easy exercise that really puts in perspective what you believe. Thanks for reading!

xoxoxo! GreenGirl

My first college chapel experience (and my second)...

     So...I survived my first week as a freshman at college. Wow! I thought I would be a lot more freaked out right now but actually it's not too bad. I think as long as I keep my priorities straight it will go fine. There is one matter I would like to tell you all about and it is this little thing called "chapel"...

     Wednesday was my first day of chapel and I made sure I checked my e-mail the night before so that I knew my seat assignment. The next morning upon entering the auditorium I almost immediately found my seat. I didn't want to rush but I wanted to find it without much hassle so it was as obvious as a neon sign that I was a freshman. I was joined not long after by a girl on my left and a boy on my right. After some awkward conversation starters and some uncomfortable gaps of silence we came to the conclusion that we were all freshmen and I realized chapel could be looking up for me since my hopes hadn't been high to say the least.

    Here's where it gets bad (or good, depending on your perspective). After we had gotten the obvious questions out of the way our row leader arrives. He pulls out the sheet of paper he has to take attendance on for our row and I happen to glance over and observe it. I was startled by what I saw. I saw the names of both my seat neighbors, but where I was supposed to be was somebody else's name! I didn't understand! I thought this was my spot! I told the girl to my left who in turn told our row leader and he comforted me saying most freshmen get lost on the first day and to not worry. So I waited out the whole chapel service but nobody came to claim my seat, however I was told that next time I would have to sit in my correctly assigned seat.

     It turns out I was only three rows behind where I was supposed to be sitting, and at first it didn't seem that different at all. This time there was a girl to my left and a guy to my right. The girl was very kind and sweet, but the guy showed up just in time and I didn't get to catch his name or even say hi. Little did I know the horror that awaited me in the upcoming chapel services ahead. The intro and the singing went fine, but when the speaker got up to start his sermon that's when things took off. The guy to my right that I didn't get to meet was chewing his gum excessively loud. There was also a guy up one row and diagonal from me that basically you could say he slept while he was awake, at least he snored anyways! Lastly was the girl immediately behind me that sat clicking her pen over and over and over. I felt as if I was a spring and each click pushed me a little tighter until finally! I sprang, unable to control myself, I turned around and asked her to stop. Unfortunately that lasted all of two minutes.

     Needless to say, I remember little of that service, but if it taught me one thing it was to be grateful for the seat you have because it could change in a heart beat and take notes that way you can say you remembered at least something from chapel!

Laughing on the inside,
GreenGirl

Feelings on College...

     I'm leaving for college soon-less than 24 hours to be more specific. I have been asked it seems  bazillion times, "How are you feeling-excited, nervous, scared?" Almost every time my answer is the same, "Yes."
     The main reason I am excited is because I have been waiting for this adventure for a long time. It was never an option, even when I was a child, to not go to college. So for me, I knew it was coming; it was just a matter of time. All growing up I had an infatuation with schooling abroad. I don't know why; I just did. I cannot count the number of times I asked my parents about boarding school, but their answer was always the same. I guess that is part of the reason why I'm excited for college I get to live my fantasy! Only in my dreams did I ever imagine doing this, and now it's coming true! The other reason I'm excited to attend college is because it is change, and change in my life is always welcome. To have my life be stagnant and dull is not my idea of fun. The way I figure it is life is unpredictable; it will change whether you want it to or not. It doesn't need your permission so you might as well learn to love it so that when it does happen you won't freak out.
     Whenever you are excited about something chances are you will also be nervous. For this same reason you rarely have all good and all bad. Since they are usually two sides to every story and pros and cons to every decision I am excited and nervous. I'll admit that my excitement (as of right now) is outweighing my nervousness, but the nerves are still there none the less. I'm just as nervous as every other freshmen starting their first year at a brand new college in a totally different state with basically all strangers, but that's only normal, right?
     I'm scared. I don't like to admit it, along with most other people, but I am. Last night I was kept up by this fact and it was bothering me because I knew I was scared but I couldn't exactly pinpoint the reason I was scared. I still can't but I can try my best to get out as much as I can. I'm scared that I will disappoint my family, mostly my parents. It's not hard to realize that I live the best life imaginable. I have loving parents who care for my every need. They are always there for me and I love them to the moon and back again. They have created the ideal life for me and my siblings, and for this reason I would hate myself if I ever did anything that disappoints them or makes them question my love for them. I am scared that I will not succeed. I fear I expect so much of myself that I will not meet my own demands. My biggest fear I am aware of. They say to come to know your fear because that is the only way you have a chance at beating it. My largest and most frightening scare is that I will change. I know this may sound like I am contradicting my first point but this is different. I welcome external change (change of my surroundings); however when it comes to internal change (change that effects my spirit and attitude and beliefs) this is not appreciated but rather unacceptable. It haunts me even more that almost everyone I have known to leave home for college do not come back the same, and most of the time the change in their life is not for the better. I love myself the way I am, and I know my friends and family love me this way as well. Why then would I want to leave one way and come back a whole new person? I am scared that tomorrow when I leave my house to go to the airport that I won't return as the same person. In fact, even scarier is the realization that it is impossible to remain the same girl that leaves. For one reason or another college will end up changing me. I can only hope it will be for the better.

     So, how do I feel about college? It's hard to say, as of right now I'm just a big jumble of emotions. All I know is that if you believe in God pray for me, and if you don't wish me luck because I'm about go on the biggest adventure of my life so far and I need all the help I can get. :) Thanks bunches! -GreenGirl