Me in all honesty:

I'm not skinny. I don't count calories. I'm a size 14/16 on a good day. I don't want to look like a supermodel. I love my curves and my boobs (though they are a struggle!) I don't want to be scrawny, and I sure as hell don't want to be something I'm not! But I do want change. I want to be able to walk up three flights of stairs without needing to catch my breath. I would love to lose a little belly fat so my pants don't make that awkward bulge. I want to be able to run long enough so I'm not embarrassed to talk about my exercise habits. I want to run during the day, but I'm self conscious of people seeing the big girl with the huge chest trying to run.

You see, I love my body, but I'm tired of using it as an excuse. "I love my body so I don't need change." "I love my body so why should I have to conform?" I finally figured it out! If I truly love my body then I will change because the way I am, though I'm not obese, is not the best I could be living. I want my body able to sleep well at night and wake up feeling refreshed. I want to feel comfortable with every inch of my body and not just my legs and butt.

So this is my promise to myself and to my body and to my God. I will live my life to honor my body. My body is a temple, and I will treat it as such. This is not to conform to society or peer pressure but rather to gain self acceptance.

Friend, it doesn't have to be New Year's to make a resolution. I challenge you today to promise yourself to be a better you tomorrow than you are today. Live your life so that when you look in the mirror each morning you can proudly nod your head and say, "Damn. That's a fine specimen of a human being. I'm surprised the aliens haven't abducted me yet." So live loud, live proud and live life to the absolute fullest.

Thanks to all my friends and family who have loved me and accepted me before I even fully accepted myself. Hugs, kisses, and lots of love. xoxoxo

-GreenGirl

Crazy Love

Some people say, "Being in love makes you do crazy things." This does not justify doing stupid things though.

I was attending an exercise class the other day and I was meeting some of the people. I introduced myself to a girl (who for this story will be called Luanne). Luanne was saying how she was trying to work out to feel better for her wedding. I congratulated her on her noteworthy goal and she told me that she already fit in her dress, but it was more about making her feel better about herself. I rightly figured that as any person planning to get married she would love to talk about it so as we continued with our light workout we spoke of her quickly approaching big day (about 2 weeks!)

Speaking with Luanne some more I asked her the basic college questions (we were taking an on-campus class). Luanne however told me that she was no longer in college. She had dropped out last spring due to finances (totally understandable!) She was planning on returning in the fall, but that summer she met a dude and started dating him. She said (not that I believe her) that they got to know each other really well super quickly and not too long later he proposed and she (obviously) said yes. I must have had a look of pure shock and slight judgment because she quickly stated "By the time we get married we'll have known each other longer than 6 months." As if that makes it better! Oh. Okay. That makes sense, I mean how dare you guys be together longer than that without getting hitched. Aye yai yai!

I'm not trying to be mean to her and say that her marriage won't work out or that they aren't meant for each other. I mean, hell, I barely know the girl and I've never even seen her fiancé. All I know is that if this is what falling head over heals is, if this is what it's like to be blinded by love, if this is what it's like to be crazy in love, leave me out. I will be crazy any day and I will love any day, but it's clear that they aren't meant to be together. PB&J, Mac & Cheese, Seth & Summer, but not Crazy & in Love.

-GreenGirl

Back in the Land of Undrinkable Tea and Incomprehensible Speaking

Oy! It's crazy! I thought I was ready to be back here, but apparently it isn't so. I know it's only been three weeks, but it seems like it's been so long!

My current problem is Spanish. :/ It was a huge problem for me last semester also and I tried blaming it on all kind of things and all kinds of people, but compiling didn't change anything so I decided to stop being so negative. So this semester I am changing my ways.

You see, I want to learn Spanish I truly do. Back home (on the best coast) you hear Spanish everywhere! My best friend in the whole wide world speaks Spanish, my brother's wife speaks Spanish, here I met a girl from Spain and dude from Mexico and another dude from Puerto Rico. I think it would be the coolest thing ever if I could learn to speak to them in their native language. I want to go back home and not just hear Spanish but be able to understand it and turn around and say something back! :) So you see, I really do have the desire to learn.

The other night I went to a ULA (University Language Association) meeting on campus and it was so cool! The whole thing was done in Spanish and I had the best time! I'm hoping that by this summer (okay, maybe the end of the summer . . .) I will be able to have a light conversation with someone. As long as they go slow!

So I have rededicated myself to learning Spanish. I say random words and phrases in spanish around the room. "Estoy muy cansada." "en la ventana" "mi silla y pupitre" it must sound so funny mixed in with my English, but I figure if i start using the vocabulary in every day life then I won't be so shy to use it in public when I get to that point. And no doubt about it, that point will come because this girl *points emphatically at self* is going to learn Spanish! :D

~GreenGirl