I'm leaving for college soon-less than 24 hours to be more specific. I have been asked it seems bazillion times, "How are you feeling-excited, nervous, scared?" Almost every time my answer is the same, "Yes."
The main reason I am excited is because I have been waiting for this adventure for a long time. It was never an option, even when I was a child, to not go to college. So for me, I knew it was coming; it was just a matter of time. All growing up I had an infatuation with schooling abroad. I don't know why; I just did. I cannot count the number of times I asked my parents about boarding school, but their answer was always the same. I guess that is part of the reason why I'm excited for college I get to live my fantasy! Only in my dreams did I ever imagine doing this, and now it's coming true! The other reason I'm excited to attend college is because it is change, and change in my life is always welcome. To have my life be stagnant and dull is not my idea of fun. The way I figure it is life is unpredictable; it will change whether you want it to or not. It doesn't need your permission so you might as well learn to love it so that when it does happen you won't freak out.
Whenever you are excited about something chances are you will also be nervous. For this same reason you rarely have all good and all bad. Since they are usually two sides to every story and pros and cons to every decision I am excited and nervous. I'll admit that my excitement (as of right now) is outweighing my nervousness, but the nerves are still there none the less. I'm just as nervous as every other freshmen starting their first year at a brand new college in a totally different state with basically all strangers, but that's only normal, right?
I'm scared. I don't like to admit it, along with most other people, but I am. Last night I was kept up by this fact and it was bothering me because I knew I was scared but I couldn't exactly pinpoint the reason I was scared. I still can't but I can try my best to get out as much as I can. I'm scared that I will disappoint my family, mostly my parents. It's not hard to realize that I live the best life imaginable. I have loving parents who care for my every need. They are always there for me and I love them to the moon and back again. They have created the ideal life for me and my siblings, and for this reason I would hate myself if I ever did anything that disappoints them or makes them question my love for them. I am scared that I will not succeed. I fear I expect so much of myself that I will not meet my own demands. My biggest fear I am aware of. They say to come to know your fear because that is the only way you have a chance at beating it. My largest and most frightening scare is that I will change. I know this may sound like I am contradicting my first point but this is different. I welcome external change (change of my surroundings); however when it comes to internal change (change that effects my spirit and attitude and beliefs) this is not appreciated but rather unacceptable. It haunts me even more that almost everyone I have known to leave home for college do not come back the same, and most of the time the change in their life is not for the better. I love myself the way I am, and I know my friends and family love me this way as well. Why then would I want to leave one way and come back a whole new person? I am scared that tomorrow when I leave my house to go to the airport that I won't return as the same person. In fact, even scarier is the realization that it is impossible to remain the same girl that leaves. For one reason or another college will end up changing me. I can only hope it will be for the better.
So, how do I feel about college? It's hard to say, as of right now I'm just a big jumble of emotions. All I know is that if you believe in God pray for me, and if you don't wish me luck because I'm about go on the biggest adventure of my life so far and I need all the help I can get. :) Thanks bunches! -GreenGirl
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